so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
