I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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