dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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