Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
