Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
