don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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