Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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