im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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