Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize