My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
