If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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