she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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