I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She bit a glass in half.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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