I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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