Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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