he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
