I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
