Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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