I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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