he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
