bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
