I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
