It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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