Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
