Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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