i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
