So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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