Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I supernannyed him into submission
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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