Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
