What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
