I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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