Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
