Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
