i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
