So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
