I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
