Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
