Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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