don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
