we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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