well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
