FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
