Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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