"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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