They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
