I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
