Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
