U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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