I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
