If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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