Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
