There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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