you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
