the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
