there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
