I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
