I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
