summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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