Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
