Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize