So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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