When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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