You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
