That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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