wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
