ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
