I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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