ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
