dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
